Wooo! Last day of Autumn! Not really looking forward to those cold, Winter mornings though. :\
I saw some guy playing piano in the ISL today. He was pretty good. He played with sheet music which there is nothing wrong with but even with the sheet music and him having to stop every now and then to turn his pages, he still looked like a performer! Like the way, his body movements, expressions, everything in his performance just yelled performer to me. He looked like those stereotypical pianists who would enter competitions with the penguin suits and all. :P
Then there was this other guy who had just beautiful, graceful, fluid-like wrists. Although, I don’t think there isn’t much wrong with my wrists, he also looked like he could be performer.
Why don’t I ever see these things in myself? Was I really not meant to be a performer? My teacher once told me that I would be wonderful teacher because I’m supposedly patient, calm and know whats good and whats not, but she also said I would suck as a performer (not in those exact words). :(
I can’t suck. Got my Eisteddfod soon, I can’t suck. I have to be a performer. It’s what AMusA is about!! I have to become a perfomer before I can become a teacher. :\
God, help me please.
Had a new lecturer for psych today - learnt about vision perception. He was pretty good, better than the one we had for the auditory/vestibular system.
It’s funny how when the lecturer said ‘fuck’ (TWICE), people would gasp, giggle and I even heard one person say to their neighbout ‘OMG, HE SAID FUCK!!’ LOL.
Are they not meant to swear? :P
psych-facts:
Source
Just got back from piano. I seem to always have something to blog about piano. Was talking to my teacher about when to sit my AMusA exam and we decided it would be next year in April because my program is a bit below the time limit so I’m going to have to learn a new piece - more on that later…
Anyways, she said to me today, ‘You will pass the exam.’ I was a bit shocked that she said that because I certainly didn’t think she would with the condition my pieces are in right now. Whilst I am happy that she believes in me, I don’t think she should be placing those expectations on me. It’s like a doctor telling a patient’s family ‘We promise you save his life.’ YOU CAN’T MAKE THOSE PROMISES! Now theres extra pressure on me to perform well and actually pass the exam because she thinks and expects to to!! :\
Now to my extra piece…it’s going to be the Chopin Nocturne that I abandoned earlier last year because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to play the octaves properly. Guess Chopin and I were meant to be together…forever. :P Oh well, I’m sure I’ll be able to overcome to obstacle with practise and I actually really like the piece so hopefully it’ll turn out all good.
That’s my piano update for the week! :D
Ok, call me weird, but I actually Googled ‘how to increase confidence in piano recital’ (yes, thats how badly my lack of confidence affects me), and this website came up. I haven’t read much in detail yet but it seems to be an interesting site. Performance psychology - interesting, maybe I should look into it as a career, being about to team music with science would just be a dream come true. :)
GAH, thinking about performing is heart clenching. :\ Don’t know how I’m going to pull through the actual recital.